Letter to home

[Artie]

Dear Family, Friends, Civilians, and Draft-dodgers,

In the very near future the undersigned will once more be in your midst, dehydrated and demoralized, to take his place again as a human being with the welll-known forms of freedom and justice for all, engage in life, liberty, and the somewhat-delayed pursuit of happiness. In making your joyous preparations to welcome him back into organized society, you might take certain steps to make allowances for the crude environment which has been his miserable lot for the past twelve months. In other words, he might be a little Asiatic from Vietnamitis and overseasitis and should be handled with care. Do not be alarmed if he is infected with all forms of rare tropical disease. A little time in the "Land of the Big PX" will cure this malady.

Therfore, show no alarm if he insist on carrying a weapon to the dinner table, looks around for his steel pot when offered a chair, or wakes you in the middle of the night for guard duty. Keep cool when he pours gravy on his dessert or mixes peaches with his Seagram's VO. Pretend not to notice if he eats with his fingers instead of silverware and prefers C-Rations to steak. Take it with a smile if he insist on digging up the garden to fill sandbags for the bunker he is building. Be tolerant when he takes his blanket off the bed and leaves the sheet and puts it on the floor to sleep on.

Abstain from saying anything about dehydrated eggs, dehydrated potatoes, fried rice, or fresh milk. Do not be alarmed if he should jump up from the dinner table and rush to the garbage can to wash his dish with a toilet brush. After all, this has been his standard. Also, if it should start to rain, pay no attention if he pulls off his clothes, grabs a bar of soap, and runs outdoors for a shower.

When in his daily conversation he utters such things as "xin loi" or "choi oi", just be patient. Simply leave quickly and calmly if he, by chance, utters "di di" with an irratated look on his face. Because it means no less then "Get the hell out of here!". Do not let it shake you if he picks up the telephone and yells "working?" or says "Roger, out" for good-bye.

Never ask why the Jones' son held a highr rank than he did, and by no means mention the term "extend". Pretend not to notice if in a restaurant he calls the waitress "numbah one girl" and uses his hat for an ashtray. He will probably keep listening for "Homeward Bound" to sound off over AFVN. If he does, comfort him, for he is still reminiscing. Be watchful when he is in the presence of a woman .... especially a beautiful woman!

Above all, keeep in mind that beneath that tanned and rugged exterior there is a heart of gold, the only thing of value he has left. Treat him with kindness, tolerance, and an occasional fifth of good liquor, and you will be able to rehabilitate that which once was, but is now only the hollow shell of, the happy-go-lucky guy you once knew and loved.

Last, but by no means least, send no more mail to the APO, fill the refrigerator with beer, get the civvies out of mothballs, fill the car with gas, and get the women and kids off the streets because.......

......THE KID IS COMING HOME !!!

[Rickey Von Vogel]

Artie: I just got a 30 day Medical leave Pass from FT. Riley after recovering from some of my Many Injurie's from my 13 day E & E, MY first Breakfeast at Home Man was I looking forward to it! Bacon Toast Real Egg's even salt pork decorated the Table Biscut's with Gravy! Dam what a Feast? I turned to my Step-Mother & Politely asked her to Pass me The Fucking Butter! OH-Hell-NO! She said We aint got NO-Fucking Butter in this House! & Proceded to clear the table & trow the food down the Garbage Disposal! well I looked at Dad , Him at Me He nodded to go down stair's we snuck out the back as this Crazy person was still raising Hell over my comment about the %ucking Butter Dad took me to a Great Diner & we ate untill we about poped a gut! That's my Story & am Sticking too it! Shakey

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Surviveing C.E. Crash #1833 Dak To-2 Airstrip, EX-M.I.A. 4.24.72-to-5.6.72 Gladiator715, 10 soul's on-board-5 came Home! B.M.F. of Dak To-2, Death was our bussiness & Bussiness was Good!

[Artie]

Now that's funny

Thanks for sharing.

[Rickey Von Vogel]

Shakey

_________________
Surviveing C.E. Crash #1833 Dak To-2 Airstrip, EX-M.I.A. 4.24.72-to-5.6.72 Gladiator715, 10 soul's on-board-5 came Home! B.M.F. of Dak To-2, Death was our bussiness & Bussiness was Good!